C.A.L.I.F.O.R.N.I.A

Oh how I miss California.

Luckily, Brian and I got to go and visit! I scheduled myself at work in a way that allowed me about 8 days off in a row and we took off for an adventure! I love California, I love adventures and I love Brian - so it was a sure recipe for success.

We drove out to Yorba Linda for the first night and stayed with my awesome aunt, uncle and cousin (thanks again for letting us visit!!). They fed us the best dinner I've had in a long time and we really enjoyed catching up, hanging out with their dog (who snuck into my room that night and slept next to me), and getting thoroughly destroyed in ping-pong by Matt. Watch out Forrest Gump.

This is what I found when I looked over the side of my bed in the morning :)

Knotts Berry Farm the next day was just as fun as I remembered it. Even though we were there during the hottest week of the year (I know, poor planning), we were able to keep cool by repeatedly going on the water rides - we were soaked!

Next stop: Oceanside! We couldn't get enough of the beach, boogie boarding, playing in the sand, watching the surfers, looking for shells, and eating Starbursts (a great way to get the disgusting ocean taste out of your mouth btw). Ruby's, a restaurant out on the pier, was super delicious. If you're ever in Oceanside, I'd definitely recommend it!

mermaid!

We stopped by Balboa Park and Old Town on our way down to El Cajon. Old Town was one of my favorite parts of the trip. We bought some homemade flavored tortillas (strawberry, chocolate, and cinnamon) and then left for our (gross) hotel. Luckily, we spent little time at the hotel because we had a packed schedule! We went to the temple and did sealings, ate at the best pizza place in the world (BJ's), visited some places from my mission, and ended the day in La Jolla Cove. We hadn't planned out where we were staying that night very well... So we ended up camping in a trailer park! Hahaha. Good times. Minus the fact that we were too lazy to put up a tent and we woke up soaking wet. At least there were hot showers available!

Next day we went to Sea World! I'd never been before and it was super fun. Oh how I love polar bears and penguins :). And sharks!

Hey mom! This is what a beluga whale looks like :)

Then we were off to Pacific Beach where the waves were ferocious (at least to me). I may or may not have lost my swimming suit in one of the wave attacks. We showered off at the showers there and got ready in the car to go visit a family from my mission. We accidentally locked the keys in the trunk when were stopped on the side of the road trying to change our clothes and had to drop down the back seat unpack the suitcases until we found them. Good times.

At the Mormon Battalion in Old Town

It was so great to see the Tacon family! We visited and went out for some delicious Chinese food, went to church the next day after a scrumptious breakfast, and visited for a while afterwards. It was sad to leave again! But, we drove out to St. George and stayed with Brian's aunt and uncle's house for the night and then took off for Provo the next morning. It was quite the trip!

Haha.

It was so nice to be able to be distracted from all the stress and worry of the last few weeks. Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here.

So we're back in Utah and Brian is getting reved up for school! He started Monday and I am a little really really sad about that. Where did the summer go?

there [was] a bun in the oven

For some reason talking about miscarriage seems to have an element of taboo to it. Well, I'm still going to talk about it.

Most of you who read this don't know that I was pregnant. We were waiting to tell everyone until I was in the 2nd trimester. I found out in the morning on July 8 (after 3 pregnancy tests - couldn't stop at just one!) and let Brian know later that night by wearing an apron that said "There's a bun in the oven!"

Let's just say he was super excited. He is going to be the best dad :).

So, we had a bun in the oven! A pea in the pod. A... you get the idea. I was due on March 12th.

I had normal pregnancy symptoms. Nothing too extreme - I never threw up or got super nauseous, but I had pretty much all the other symptoms you would expect like fatigue, having to pee all the time, bloating, etc. I was feeling so great and was thinking I was really a lucky girl.

Brian and I picked out names we liked and even bought some children's books to read to the little one when he/she arrived. We were so excited for our little baby!

Well, at week 7 I started bleeding. Just a tiny tiny bit. Of course I rushed to Google to see what was going on and I found all sorts of responses ranging from "it's normal in the first trimester" to "go to your doctor right away!" I had my first appointment with the midwife the next day anyway, so I figured I would just wait and talk to her about it then.

The appointment was fun! We talked about pregnancy and how fun (and hard) it is to be a first time mom. She did an exam, said everything was looking good. She said that she wanted me to go get an ultrasound just to be safe but that she wasn't concerned about the spotting. So, lucky for me they had an opening right then and so Brian and I headed up to the hospital to get the ultrasound done. 

I was so excited to see our little one!

Based on the weekly emails I was getting, he/she should have been about the size of a blueberry or raspberry and had a little heart flickering away. That's what I thought we'd see. But... no.

The ultrasound technician starts the ultrasound and is making little measurements on the screen and asks me a few times if I am sure about my dates. I told her yes, I'm 99% sure.  I said, "Why? Am I measuring small?" She nodded and continued with her measurements.

I started looking closer at the screen, trying to decipher what I saw on there and started asking questions. Yes, that is the uterus. Yes, that is the sac. Yes, it looks like there is no baby in there. No baby? But I'm over 7 weeks! The sac was measuring around 4 1/2 weeks. 

Then she says another bad thing. Not only is there no baby in there, there is no yolk sac either. Oh and the sac is "irregular" whatever that means. It just kept getting worse! The doctor came in and discussed our options but recommended that we wait a week and get another ultrasound and hcg to make sure the sac has quit growing.

Fast forward to the second ultrasound a week later. Well, after a very difficult week of feeling lost, depressed, but still hopeful, we were pretty much in the same boat. Hoping for something definitive (either no growth or lots of it!), instead we got another "grey" result. The sac has grown, but still no baby. So, what does the doctor want to do? Wait another week. Another tortuous week.

Even though my midwife and the doctors say it is an "almost certain failed pregnancy," we thought there must at least be some hope if they were having us wait another week. We went on our vacation to California as planned (still tons of fun, but with that awful worry in the back of our minds) and went to get an ultrasound the day after we got back. Same story. Sac was growing, no baby. This time we had a progesterone level too, however, and that indicated an unviable pregnancy too. So, that was that. My body just wasn't recognizing that this wasn't going to turn into a healthy pregnancy. So, I was prescribed cytotec and some pain killers and told to take the pills and call in sick to work.

Tuesday night. Worst night ever.

I would never recommend it. Let's just say I thought I was going to die. It was one contraction right after another, many times running together. We finally went to the E.R. because it was so awful. The doctors there said that some women's bodies just react differently to the medication and go kind of crazy. Just my luck! So, I've never been through real labor, but the doctor said I was probably experiencing real labor pains, but one right after another without any breaks in between. So, after some morphine and another ultrasound, I was sent home with some better pain medication and it was so much better after that.

Brian has been so great through the entire experience. He has been there for me through all the physical and emotional rollercoasters. I couldn't have done it without him. I am so grateful for him!

I've learned a lot from this experience and feel a lot of empathy for friends and other women I know who have gone through miscarriage or have a hard time getting pregnant. It is really hard. Better luck next time I guess.

"So, how did the DAT go?"

Seems to be a common question nowadays. Well, after all the painful days of studying, waiting, and agonizing over the dreaded exam, Brian took it on Monday :). We were just so ready to have it be done. Part of me didn't even care if he did awful on it just as long as he quit studying and hung out with me.

Seriously. He studied ALL THE TIME.

Good thing hard work often pays off :)!

I am generally against bragging, but this is something to be proud of! He did better than we expected. Better than he had on all his practice exams. He got a 22 overall and a 23 overall in science! Not only that, but he got a 29 in organic chemistry. 29. According to the percentiles, that's better than 99% of people who take it. And.... he hasn't even taken the 2nd half of o-chem yet. He taught himself the reactions he needed to for the test. Oh, and special thanks to "Chad's videos." If you're taking the DAT, Brian highly recommends them for o-chem. For those of you who wonder "well, is that even good?", an 18-20 is recommended to have a competitive score. So, yay!

I won't go into detail about all the individual parts, but I am just so proud of him! Way to go Brian! He is such a smartie. So, applications are in, fees are paid (well, the ones we know about so far anyway), and now we just... wait. It will be so exciting to see where we end up :).

So, SO glad the DAT is over. May we never have to talk about it again.