BUCKET LIST & Question #15 - what type of animal would you be?

Well, I finally updated by bucket list and was so excited every time I got to bold one of my goals... ta-dah! Complete! Now, I wouldn't mind doing some of them again, that's for sure. Interested in what's on the list? Click here or on the tab up above :)

Now for Question 15 (half way done!). Don't know what I'm talking about? I'm doing a "30 questions to get to know yourself" project that has been very interesting - and enlightening to me! For the list and links to all my other answers, click here or the tab above.

Other news: Brian got 2 more interviews! Hallelujah! I'm sure you're dying to know where... so I'll tell you ;). Loma Linda in Southern California and Roseman University of Health Sciences in South Jordan Utah. Woot woot. 

Ok... time for the next question:

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

I think it'd be something that flies and that doesn't have anything hunting it.  Why? Because flying sounds totally awesome and  I just don't think it sounds very fun to be a wild animal if you're always afraid something is going to eat you. Just sayin'. Brian was telling me about something called a golden eagle that even hunts wild wolves. Look up some of the videos on youtube - they are positively terrifying.

On a less frightening note, I also think it's be nice to be a dog like our dog, Zipper. Loved every second of her life, complimented on how cute and adorable she is at least 20x/day, treats, snuggle time, lots of naps, back massages, etc etc. She had it made.

A dragon would be pretty cool too. 

This isn't part of the question - but my dream pet is a miniature wooly mammoth. I know, I know, they don't exist. But just picture it. This cute little furry miniature elephant running around. Admit it - it's adorable! And, according to TIME magazine, they just might be cloning one in the near future. Next step after that - miniaturizing one. Yes, I know I'm crazy.

#14. Describe 5 strengths you have

I've started writing this post about 5 times but I can never seem to get enough "umph" to finish it. You see, I have a hard time talking about myself. Question #14 on my "Get to know yourself" project is: Describe 5 strengths you have.

Here goes nothin'!

#1. I know how to plan, make goals, and reach goals. I am motivated and I get the job done. this has been useful in our marriage because Brian is very go with the flow. With our powers combined we not only have a good time being spontaneous and dealing with what comes, but we are setting and making goals! Oh it feels so good to reach a goal!

#2. I see the good in others. I learned a while ago that it is better to give someone the benefit of the doubt then to get mad. One day I was driving and someone cut me off - caushing me to get irate and yell at them from inside my car. Not soon after, I accidentally cut someone else off and they just waved and smiled. For all I know the first offender had cut me of on accident and there I was stressing myself out and making a scene. Lame. Through that and other such experiences, I have developed a habit of making excuses for others' mistakes. "Wow, they must be on the way to the hospital to be speeding that fast." Or "Hey, maybe they're having some sort of family trouble and that's why she's so grumpy." Etc. etc. After miscarrying last month, I was not fun to be around for a while and I am so grateful for the kindess I received from people who didn't even know what was going on.

#3. I like adventures. I think this is a strength because it helps me be a better person. I like trying to things, going new places, and (most of the time) meeting new friends. I have my "comfort zone" days when I all want to do is stay home and be with Brian, but I try to be outgoing. For some reason this has been a little harder since getting married.

#4. I can lighten the mood. Sometimes people/situations are just way too serious. This is something Brian says he likes about me. I can say a little joke or make a clever comment to make a situation more comfortable. To be honest, it's usually to make me feel more comfortable because I hate awkard/stiff situations!

#5. I am always trying to improve. Sometimes it feels like an overwhelming project and that I am in way over my head. But, I like the motto, "Try to be a little better every day." That's what I'm doing and I hope it's working!

Well, enough about me...

What's new?!

Brian got an interview!! He is going to be interviewing at Midwestern University in AZ this December. Hallelujah!

My baby nephew is turning 1 this Sunday. Hard to believe he's getting so big! I miss that little sweet potato.

Tune in next time for: If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

For more of the 30 questions project, click here.

C.A.L.I.F.O.R.N.I.A

Oh how I miss California.

Luckily, Brian and I got to go and visit! I scheduled myself at work in a way that allowed me about 8 days off in a row and we took off for an adventure! I love California, I love adventures and I love Brian - so it was a sure recipe for success.

We drove out to Yorba Linda for the first night and stayed with my awesome aunt, uncle and cousin (thanks again for letting us visit!!). They fed us the best dinner I've had in a long time and we really enjoyed catching up, hanging out with their dog (who snuck into my room that night and slept next to me), and getting thoroughly destroyed in ping-pong by Matt. Watch out Forrest Gump.

This is what I found when I looked over the side of my bed in the morning :)

Knotts Berry Farm the next day was just as fun as I remembered it. Even though we were there during the hottest week of the year (I know, poor planning), we were able to keep cool by repeatedly going on the water rides - we were soaked!

Next stop: Oceanside! We couldn't get enough of the beach, boogie boarding, playing in the sand, watching the surfers, looking for shells, and eating Starbursts (a great way to get the disgusting ocean taste out of your mouth btw). Ruby's, a restaurant out on the pier, was super delicious. If you're ever in Oceanside, I'd definitely recommend it!

mermaid!

We stopped by Balboa Park and Old Town on our way down to El Cajon. Old Town was one of my favorite parts of the trip. We bought some homemade flavored tortillas (strawberry, chocolate, and cinnamon) and then left for our (gross) hotel. Luckily, we spent little time at the hotel because we had a packed schedule! We went to the temple and did sealings, ate at the best pizza place in the world (BJ's), visited some places from my mission, and ended the day in La Jolla Cove. We hadn't planned out where we were staying that night very well... So we ended up camping in a trailer park! Hahaha. Good times. Minus the fact that we were too lazy to put up a tent and we woke up soaking wet. At least there were hot showers available!

Next day we went to Sea World! I'd never been before and it was super fun. Oh how I love polar bears and penguins :). And sharks!

Hey mom! This is what a beluga whale looks like :)

Then we were off to Pacific Beach where the waves were ferocious (at least to me). I may or may not have lost my swimming suit in one of the wave attacks. We showered off at the showers there and got ready in the car to go visit a family from my mission. We accidentally locked the keys in the trunk when were stopped on the side of the road trying to change our clothes and had to drop down the back seat unpack the suitcases until we found them. Good times.

At the Mormon Battalion in Old Town

It was so great to see the Tacon family! We visited and went out for some delicious Chinese food, went to church the next day after a scrumptious breakfast, and visited for a while afterwards. It was sad to leave again! But, we drove out to St. George and stayed with Brian's aunt and uncle's house for the night and then took off for Provo the next morning. It was quite the trip!

Haha.

It was so nice to be able to be distracted from all the stress and worry of the last few weeks. Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here.

So we're back in Utah and Brian is getting reved up for school! He started Monday and I am a little really really sad about that. Where did the summer go?

there [was] a bun in the oven

For some reason talking about miscarriage seems to have an element of taboo to it. Well, I'm still going to talk about it.

Most of you who read this don't know that I was pregnant. We were waiting to tell everyone until I was in the 2nd trimester. I found out in the morning on July 8 (after 3 pregnancy tests - couldn't stop at just one!) and let Brian know later that night by wearing an apron that said "There's a bun in the oven!"

Let's just say he was super excited. He is going to be the best dad :).

So, we had a bun in the oven! A pea in the pod. A... you get the idea. I was due on March 12th.

I had normal pregnancy symptoms. Nothing too extreme - I never threw up or got super nauseous, but I had pretty much all the other symptoms you would expect like fatigue, having to pee all the time, bloating, etc. I was feeling so great and was thinking I was really a lucky girl.

Brian and I picked out names we liked and even bought some children's books to read to the little one when he/she arrived. We were so excited for our little baby!

Well, at week 7 I started bleeding. Just a tiny tiny bit. Of course I rushed to Google to see what was going on and I found all sorts of responses ranging from "it's normal in the first trimester" to "go to your doctor right away!" I had my first appointment with the midwife the next day anyway, so I figured I would just wait and talk to her about it then.

The appointment was fun! We talked about pregnancy and how fun (and hard) it is to be a first time mom. She did an exam, said everything was looking good. She said that she wanted me to go get an ultrasound just to be safe but that she wasn't concerned about the spotting. So, lucky for me they had an opening right then and so Brian and I headed up to the hospital to get the ultrasound done. 

I was so excited to see our little one!

Based on the weekly emails I was getting, he/she should have been about the size of a blueberry or raspberry and had a little heart flickering away. That's what I thought we'd see. But... no.

The ultrasound technician starts the ultrasound and is making little measurements on the screen and asks me a few times if I am sure about my dates. I told her yes, I'm 99% sure.  I said, "Why? Am I measuring small?" She nodded and continued with her measurements.

I started looking closer at the screen, trying to decipher what I saw on there and started asking questions. Yes, that is the uterus. Yes, that is the sac. Yes, it looks like there is no baby in there. No baby? But I'm over 7 weeks! The sac was measuring around 4 1/2 weeks. 

Then she says another bad thing. Not only is there no baby in there, there is no yolk sac either. Oh and the sac is "irregular" whatever that means. It just kept getting worse! The doctor came in and discussed our options but recommended that we wait a week and get another ultrasound and hcg to make sure the sac has quit growing.

Fast forward to the second ultrasound a week later. Well, after a very difficult week of feeling lost, depressed, but still hopeful, we were pretty much in the same boat. Hoping for something definitive (either no growth or lots of it!), instead we got another "grey" result. The sac has grown, but still no baby. So, what does the doctor want to do? Wait another week. Another tortuous week.

Even though my midwife and the doctors say it is an "almost certain failed pregnancy," we thought there must at least be some hope if they were having us wait another week. We went on our vacation to California as planned (still tons of fun, but with that awful worry in the back of our minds) and went to get an ultrasound the day after we got back. Same story. Sac was growing, no baby. This time we had a progesterone level too, however, and that indicated an unviable pregnancy too. So, that was that. My body just wasn't recognizing that this wasn't going to turn into a healthy pregnancy. So, I was prescribed cytotec and some pain killers and told to take the pills and call in sick to work.

Tuesday night. Worst night ever.

I would never recommend it. Let's just say I thought I was going to die. It was one contraction right after another, many times running together. We finally went to the E.R. because it was so awful. The doctors there said that some women's bodies just react differently to the medication and go kind of crazy. Just my luck! So, I've never been through real labor, but the doctor said I was probably experiencing real labor pains, but one right after another without any breaks in between. So, after some morphine and another ultrasound, I was sent home with some better pain medication and it was so much better after that.

Brian has been so great through the entire experience. He has been there for me through all the physical and emotional rollercoasters. I couldn't have done it without him. I am so grateful for him!

I've learned a lot from this experience and feel a lot of empathy for friends and other women I know who have gone through miscarriage or have a hard time getting pregnant. It is really hard. Better luck next time I guess.

"So, how did the DAT go?"

Seems to be a common question nowadays. Well, after all the painful days of studying, waiting, and agonizing over the dreaded exam, Brian took it on Monday :). We were just so ready to have it be done. Part of me didn't even care if he did awful on it just as long as he quit studying and hung out with me.

Seriously. He studied ALL THE TIME.

Good thing hard work often pays off :)!

I am generally against bragging, but this is something to be proud of! He did better than we expected. Better than he had on all his practice exams. He got a 22 overall and a 23 overall in science! Not only that, but he got a 29 in organic chemistry. 29. According to the percentiles, that's better than 99% of people who take it. And.... he hasn't even taken the 2nd half of o-chem yet. He taught himself the reactions he needed to for the test. Oh, and special thanks to "Chad's videos." If you're taking the DAT, Brian highly recommends them for o-chem. For those of you who wonder "well, is that even good?", an 18-20 is recommended to have a competitive score. So, yay!

I won't go into detail about all the individual parts, but I am just so proud of him! Way to go Brian! He is such a smartie. So, applications are in, fees are paid (well, the ones we know about so far anyway), and now we just... wait. It will be so exciting to see where we end up :).

So, SO glad the DAT is over. May we never have to talk about it again.