Getting OLD
Now, I mean old, not just older. I don't mind the thought of getting older, having some babies, Brian having a real job, etc. That actually sounds great. The old I am talking about involves having a body that doesn't work quite right anymore. I dread the day when I realize it hurts to get up, move around, and function as a normal human being. I am afraid of the pain that comes with that and the decreased quality of life. Luckily, I know that I have a phenominal husband and we will take care of each other... which makes me think of another fear that comes along with getting old - losing my spouse! Ek, I don't even want to think about that one. I think my fear of getting old comes from the experiences I had as a nursing student working at nursing homes. Talk about depressing. I remember back when I was told I had HIV, that was one of the few comforting thoughts I had - I wouldn't have to get old! Turns out I don't have HIV (thank heavens), so I'm going to have to face this fear sometime!
Murderers
Especially in my shower! I think having the shower curtain closed makes the bathroom look nicer, but if I ever have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or if I am going when I get home after being gone all day, I always have the awful thought of "What if someone is hiding in my shower?!" I am also scared of people hiding under my car, ready to cut my achilles tendon (OUCH! and then you can't run away :/). I actually saw an ad once for socks you could wear that had some sort of metal in the heel so nobody could do that to you. Scary. Anyway, this fear probably comes from watching the news, scary movies, and reading articles I shouldn't (like the one on Ted Bundy I read a few weeks ago. Yeah, he was psycho.) Anyway, Brian and I have recently looked into buying me a taser for when I go running.
Complacency
I have this fear that one day I'm going to look back on my life and be very disappointed with what I see. I am afraid that I won't have become the sort of person I want to be and that I will be full of regret. I know of at least one thing that has contributed to this fear. I was driving home from Utah to New Mexico for Christmas with my grandma one year and she told me about one of her biggest fears. She was afraid that when she went to heaven, she would get to watch a video of her life - all the ups, downs, in betweens, successes, failures, etc. But then she was going to be shown a video of what her life could have been, had she made some changes. Talk about a guilt trip!
Some other ones Brian said I have:
bad breath, spiders, bees, mistakes at work, dark places, cluttered rooms, pain, financial insecurity, my car breaking downclick here for links to the other 30 questions :)
Interesting post, sis! I am especially interested in your last point, complacency. I agree that we should try to be our best, but I think that that type of thinking (which leads to an eternal guilt trip) leads only to disappointment. I think this type of thinking is what leads to some of the depression rampart in the church - no one feels that they have been good enough, because even if they haven't done anything "bad," they probably missed doing something good. I feel like people would have better lives if they tried their best (or even just tried, because trying your best is subjective), and then accepted themselves for who they are. Guilt over these types of things doesn't really accomplish anything and is mostly used as a form of control. Anyway, my two cents. Love you tons and think you are great! Nothing for you to feel guilty about!
ReplyDeleteI think you're definitely right. Sometimes we hold ourselves to too high of a standard and that is bad for self-esteem. There is this crazy unattainable ideal that a lot of us feel like we need to reach, and when we fall short it really is depressing. Thanks for the thoughts - I agree that as long as we are trying and doing what we can, we can be happy with our efforts. There are much better catalysts for growth and productivity than guilt.
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